playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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