Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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