I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
