I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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