I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
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it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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