somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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