ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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