I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
