My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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