Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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