Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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