your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
