I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
