those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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