I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
zippers are such a cool invention
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
