Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
