i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
