i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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