everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
