I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Small penises have feelings too.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What a dumb baby whore.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
