dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
