pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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