i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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