I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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