OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
