Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
