If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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