Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize