im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
