She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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