We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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