if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
