If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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