So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
