How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon