you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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