Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
