god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER