It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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