Just fell off a train. Bad.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs