I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet