hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
