Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
