so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
