He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
only you would photoshop your dick
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
