our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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