i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Terrible idea I love it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
