If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
