she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize