How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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