What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so explain again why im purple
no
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
