Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
