can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
