I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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