Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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