mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
