3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
