she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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