So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
