Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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