I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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