The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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