I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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