Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
