Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
