o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
