is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
