Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
