i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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