I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
