The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
