i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
