I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
