if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
