I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
