I'm jealous of your bromance
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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