dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
