what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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