wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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