Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
They have beer where we have blood.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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