Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
