I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
