We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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