a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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