I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
